Stop Trying to Fix People

You know what our monstrous mistake is?
We try to fix the people in our life.
I see people complain about the people in their life.

Wives complain about their husbands coz the husband eats too much.
Or the husband watches too much TV.
Or the husband does not have a one romantic bone in his body.


But husbands complain about their wives too coz their too extravagant.
Or the wife is always hysterical and historical. She remembers all the past mistakes of her husband, including date, time, and place.
Or the wife is so talkative. If the universe paid 1 centavo for every word his wife said, the husband would be the richest man in the world today.

Parents complain about their kids too coz they are too messy.
Or their kids cannot focus on their studies.
One mother said, “My kids are so lazy. If given a chance, they’ll ask someone to breathe for them.”

And everywhere I go, I also hear many kids ask to fix their parents.
“My parents are too strict.”
“My parents are too corny.”
“My parents are too tight.”
One girl said, “They allow me to swim only if I wear a long gown.”

All over the world, people want to fix people.

First of all, you want to fix people because you love them.
But sometimes, our motives aren’t pure. Sometimes, we want to fix our loved ones because of shame. We’re ashamed of what other people will say about our kids, our siblings, our spouses, and our parents.

Another reason of our “fixing other people” tendencies is we’re afflicted with the disease called comparisonities.

Humans like to look to the other side of the fence to see if it’s greener.
Someone told me that marriage is like going to a restaurant. After you ordered your dish, you learn what the other table ordered, and suddenly regret what you ordered.
Believe me, this urge to compare causes so much misery in marriages. If you always compare your wife’s body with Beyonce or Angelina Jolie, she can’t compete. Or if you compare your husband’s salary with Donald Trump’s earnings, he can’t compete. Many times, we compare our spouse to someone who doesn’t exist. For example, we fantasize about Hollywood stars who aren’t real. Because all their blemishes were removed by photoshop and a huge PR company.

Even the pretty officemate who seems so gorgeous on the outside may actually be your worst nightmare the moment you live with her. You really don’t fall in love with her. You fall in love with a projection of how you imagine her to be.

We have a tendency to compare our kids with other kids.
We even verbally share our comparisons in the hopes of motivating him.
I overheard one mother tell her little boy, “Junior, why can’t you get good grades like your sister? She gets straight A’s in all subjects. But you’re highest grades are Recess and Lunch.”

Parents compare their kids to their classmates, their cousins, and even to themselves when they were young. Their sermons begin with this famous line: “When I was young, I wasn’t like you…”

Kids cannot flourish in an environment where they are being judged. Kids flourish in an environment of appreciation.

All day long, we try to look for the faults of the people around us.
But behind this critical spirit towards others is really a critical spirit toward oneself. In fact, the critic pulls down others so that he can hide his own failures.