The World In You

I don’t mind jumping from one thought to another, call it inconsistency, I won’t even bother. Is there anything else more inconsistent than I am? Today I admit I do not feel anything for you, and hours later I’m hurting because of you. Tell me if a chef could be consistent on the tastes of the dishes he prepare everyday. Tell me if an actor could be consistent in the character he portrays. Tell me if anyone of you has been consistent about love and has been happy? I don’t mind being inconsistent, really.

With my love for you, I feel like the earth rotating around its axis, axis that has never been seen but believed to be there, love that is never tangible but always present. The earth rotates around its axis and I revolve around my love for you. If love is an axis, are you my world? My love you do not see, and the axis no one has seen. They go together. Mixed thoughts? But I know you get me.

I wouldn’t claim that a love not reciprocated is unfair, well, it has been said that there’s someone who loves more and someone who loves less. But have they forgotten about that someone who is not loved back?

If I were to discuss love with anyone, a day wouldn’t be enough to fill in with all my thoughts and feelings. Love, just like religion and politics, is a never-ending topic. I have once capsulized love into two words – same shit. Same shit I feel and talk about, same shit I laughed at and cried for, same shit I have been dealing with and getting rid of.

In this life, I have met several people who brought me so much joy, and you are undeniably one of those people. Ironically, the people who have made me smile are the same people who let my tears roll down my cheeks.

There is one feeling I hate to bear, have you denied yourself of letting out an emotion? Have you deprived yourself of the chance to just let out, let loose and run away? I’m guilty of all these, what’s that one feeling again? I say stupidity. I don’t mind being categorized as one.

I believe that a smile is a very effective mask. A mask can conceal hurt, pain, angst and jealousy. I can smile all day and conceal all these; of course, you wouldn’t know how I really feel deep within because you are blinded with my flashing smiles. It just feels sad to know that you never looked into the windows of my soul… my eyes. If you only cared to look me in my eyes, you would see all the emotions I’m keeping, sadness is very much visible. Now I wish for someone who would look into my soul and then, the world around me would become quiet. To wish is all I can do for the moment.

I don’t mind being inconsistent. I don’t mind jumping from one thought to another. Just like this collection of crap words, it is inconsistent. But now, I claim inconsistency is not something negative. It is the only consistent aspect of me at present.

Going back to love as an axis, I suddenly realized that the earth does not depend on its axis. But in this picture I have in mind, you are the axis of my life, yes I do not depend on you but I revolve around you. But you could also be the earth and I am the axis, you can exist without me and continue revolving.

I don’t mind jumping from one thought to another, just like this collection of crap words. I don’t mind being inconsistent, just like this collection of crap words.